Daffodils, Dogs and Fractures

Yaaaaaaawn…..

I think this photo says it all. Stuck in bed with loving dogs, daffodils blooming and maple tree mural in the window.

A few weeks ago, I started to see the changes in that maple tree, clear signs that spring was coming. Buds were starting to show themselves and I just got the sense that the tree was breathing deeply. I paused for a moment to remember a snapshot in my past when I was stuck in bed after breaking 8 ribs and having a hysterectomy. Despite being sad, stuck and in frustrating recovery mode, I had a magical moment with that tree and it’s surrounding ecosystem. I watched hundreds of warblers gleaning and having a feast of maple blossoms. I watched chickadees dive into the sleeves of moss and emerge with a little grub in their tiny beaks. It felt like a scene from a Wes Anderson movie where I was scaled sized to the chickadees and warblers, engrossed in their vibrant, self-contained world.

I paused in my bedroom and thought that, despite the beauty of that day, I hoped I would never repeat it.

And yet, here I am.

It’s been 6 days since the injury. My dogs are blissfully content to be as close to me as possible. This king-sized family bed that we currently share seems to be the joy that they didn’t know they were missing. Why in the world would we NOT spend 20 hours here?? You are welcome, Merle and Daisy.

I have zero pain, maybe there is a twinge that goes to 3, but that is about it. I am able to take showers and get into the hot tub, and I can’t say enough about the friend community that is showering me with text messages, meals, and daffodils. There are good physical things in my life right now.

But mentally, this is tough. I miss my horses and I miss riding. Heck, I miss my back being sore after a long day and stretching just so I can stand up and make dinner.  I had NO idea that crutches were so awful. If my legs are moving, my hands can’t, and vice versa. It is so frustrating and painful on the body. I am hoping that after this first week of healing, I can be more present in the barn and maybe leave this king-sized dog lounge that I am calling home.